What Not to Say to a Depressed Person
10 things NOT to say to a depressed person
How to help a friend with low past fugitive these platitude phrases
Depression was non an easy journey, and I felt misunderstood often. For those of you who practice not understand why depressed people deport the manner the do — and I did non until I went through information technology — I compiled a list of things to NOT say to someone who has low with explanations based on my ain reactions and feel; I winced every time someone said the below to me.
I have been on both sides, and hopefully this list will serve to elucidate the thoughts and emotions for better communication betwixt those depressed, and those who are not.
Just for reference, DO Not say:-
1. "Remain Positive"
I think : Duh! I know — but how? To me, my reality is that the world has already caved in. What is irrational to you makes utmost sense to me. I'yard then aroused / upset / sad / alone / devastated / hopeless / in despair… Why can't you empathize me?
I experience : Recoil farther into my shell to avoid time to come contact and meaningless advice because yous never told me how to remain positive.
two. "Don't recollect similar that"
I think : Why not? What'due south wrong with thinking like I do? It'southward an honest opinion. I really retrieve this. Information technology's negative all right, but that'south what I remember, so what's wrong? So how should I think instead? Like y'all? Just I don't agree with you, so I become you if I think similar yous…?
I feel : I did something wrong for thinking a certain manner, and you reprimanded me for thinking so. Thus, I withdraw, and berate myself for thinking the way I do, and spiral farther downwards into depression due to self-criticism.
iii. "Pull yourself together" / "Snap out of information technology" and the likes
I call back : How? Snap out of what? I don't want to exist similar this either, you think information technology'south fun?
I feel : Feel completely useless and hopeless that I'thousand incapable of belongings myself together and getting better. Depression snowballs with this sense of incompetence.
iv. "Why do you need to be depressed?"
I think : Umm… I don't know, I wish I knew. Doctors said it'due south considering of some imbalance in serotonin in me. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!
I feel : Accused of committing a heinous offense to be depressed. Confused because I don't know what happened to brand me depressed and how information technology all happened. Lost since I don't know how to get out of depression. Feel inferior and worse about myself, so I hide from you also because I don't desire to feel inadequate.
5. "Look at how lucky you are already! Be thankful"
I retrieve : I am thankful for what I have. But what does that have to do with depression? Doctors and every website I've read say depression is an illness and has biological factors. Depression needs to be treated as any other sickness. You are lucky also, be thankful — stop having a freaking cold and sneezing germs into the air I exhale!
I experience : Misunderstood equally a spoiled, ungrateful little daughter when I'm non. Frustrated for being misunderstood, weep, wail, deplorable. Retreat into my hiding place — again.
vi. "Go practice something and you volition feel meliorate."
I recall : Get practice what? I tin can't exist bothered. I'm tired. I'm not interested. I have no energy. I merely want to sleep. Doing something won't make me feel better. Leave me alone.
I feel : Tired and lethargic, and no energy to think about what to do. Harassed because yous proceed telling me to exercise something.
(N.B. What did piece of work, was instead of telling me to exercise something, my husband merely made me put my clothes on, slid me into my boots, and dragged me out of the house for a walk, talking about random things on the way, non in one case mentioning anything to practice how I was doing or asking if I felt better.)
vii. "What's wrong with you?"
I think : I WISH I KNEW. I wish I knew. Oh how I wish I knew. Can y'all tell me? Can somebody tell me? I don't want to be like this. Why am I similar this?
I feel : Absolutely hopeless because I don't know why I became similar this, and I was unable to observe out the reasons behind my depression. Very belittled and angry at myself. Can't bargain with this. I might as well dice.
eight. "You should do this…" or "You lot should not do this (such equally kill yourself)…"
I retrieve : Why? This is my life, I'k allowed to terminate it if I want. Why should I eat? I'grand not hungry.
I experience : Patronized by your condescending tone (even if you lot didn't have one). Rejected for not doing what yous recollect I am supposed to. Some other bash to my already dwindling self-confidence — you just succeeded in making me feel more than desperate and more depressed.
9. "Come across how others endure even worst, and have no food to consume, be grateful for what you have"
I think : But you told me not to compare myself with others when I told you I was envious of others who have achieved more than than me. So how double faced is it that just because others are less fortunate I can compare with them? I know you are trying to tell me I should count my blessings — I do, trust me I do. Only how does this solve my low? I still feel that life is non worth living despite being grateful for what I have. I am too tired to carry on and attempt.
I feel : Baffled as to why sometimes yous say don't compare and other times yous tell me to practice then. I don't understand how being thankful makes me experience better, because what I have at present has no significant and no value to me. I JUST WANT TO DIE. Maybe if I die, in that location'd exist more food for those who don't have whatever. Go along to jumping out the window from 30th floor.
10. "It's all in your head…"
I call up : Information technology'Southward Non! But I know. How do I change my head? Information technology's not my fault. I didn't want this. I tin can't control it. I'k trying but I can't!
I feel : Furious at myself for not being able to control my head and thinking. Inept at everything I'm trying to do and worse, for disappointing you. Alone that no one tin sympathise me. Alienate myself. Doomed to fail; might every bit well die…
You might consider our reactions and emotions to what y'all say extremely unreasonable. I volition non debate about it. Withal, conduct in mind that someone affected past depression does have a lot of "irrational" thoughts by standard of the norm. Withal, it is our reality and we completely believe information technology, irrational or not. So don't try to debate or convince us otherwise. Y'all will only push us farther down our bleak track.
My contention is that, the wrong matter said, can unknowingly push button a depressed friend over the edge. Not to exist fatalistic, but lx% of suicides in the world is associated depression — become enquire the World Wellness Organisation if you lot don't believe me.
Please, requite us a break. If we all had a choice, I don't think any of us would want to linger in a land of depression.
If you don't know what to say, don't say anything. Just sit with united states, let u.s. cry, kick your shoes or any. That'due south perhaps all we demand for at present. Go out the lecturing to a medical adept such as a psychologist who can do it skillfully.
Originally published at nochnoch.com on February 20, 2012.
Source: https://medium.com/thrive-global/10-things-not-to-say-to-a-depressed-person-1d771e9265f7
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